Elequence Of Silent Disdain

Some people have perfected the art of an eloquence of silent disdain.

Delayed News of A Relationship's Passing

Sometimes the universe does us a favor through the careless and inadvertent admissions of those we engage with. And sometimes relationships die long before they flower. Buds unopened on a vine..that look promising but which really already dies within and only waited for spring to show they would never open. Today someone was deliberately cruel in a careless way. And in that careless cruelty I was given the clear vision that not only we would never be..but that we had been dead for some time...it was just unannounced. Here are 4 thoughts on the passing.

I

You gave me news today
of our death
And let me see
That it happened long ago
And only took you
This long to announce the passing.

II

I woke this morning
crying out for your arms
around me
Longing for 'us'
promise whispered through light
longing leveraged into play
so far away
when you dropped
Oh so carelessly deliberately
The passing of our dream
was celebrated over months
and only today
Delivered with
studied cruelty passing
for a by the way.

III

I am grateful
To my angels
To the divine
Whose wisdom
opened my eyes
To the maha
That was you

I am endebted
To your angels
Who this time
Prodded you
to drop
your fatal news
Of our demise.

IV

At least our relationship
Will no longer haunt me
The ghost of our promise
The waiting for 'US"
The walking undead
Now clear
In the cold cruelty
Of your indifference
Finally shared.
Long after the wake
You held without me.

Sadness Like Ice Cream

Image by daiwilliamsuk via Flickr

I have tasted
all the flavors of sadness
Could the world
PLEASE STOP
creating any new ones.

Dream Man

 Sometimes we play with the law of attraction and scripting. And it can produce some amazing results. But it also can produce some very confusing near misses..especially in this day of internet where people can connect and fill in the blanks with their own fantasies.




I have made a new rule that a major parameter in any connection in the future (ESPECIALLY right after I have been scripting) is that he has to actually show up -- not be content to drift in a dream and make no effort to create a living connection.


Dream Man

He comes to me out of a dream
My creation of fantasy and fire
A miracle born of what  god can bring

when desires are scripted to take me higher


Into joy and pleasure and delight.



And I pray everyday that you will be the one..

But as with all dreams - here comes day
And light of  daily doubt and unmet desire
Our  love's perfection pales and pulls away
Trampled bud laying abandoned in distance's icy mire  
by your enjoyment of  our half life                
and contentment with passion's killer -- inertia.




Willingness to wait for what will be will be -
means you don't really want "us" to stay.

Words Of Love

I read once that when one is truly loved, one automatically loves back. That on an inner inherent level no one can resist love. The idea was,, if you want to know if someone really loves you, look within to see if you love them. I think that while probably not completely accurate there is some part to it.

At best, I have always been somewhat skittish of starting relationships. And the connection that am contemplating  right now has not best logistics, so  at the thought of moving further into it I was even more resistant/ maybe we should back-off than usual. But instead of fights when I pull away, I receive an amazing flow of love from my connection. Firm and unrelenting lovingness is the most disarming thing in the world...and gives no leverage for excuses to run away.


Words Of Love

Your words
are silken chords
that bind me
with gentle softness

they wind
themselves around
my heart and
make me want
to never disappoint you

Your words
caress my fears away
tie my mind
into knots of happiness

And I
never want to
escape this joyful bondage
renewed each time
You wrap your words around me.

Infatuation Prayer

Some things are timely. We meet someone and are breathless with infatuation.  And, on a timely funny note the next night went dancing whre a band was playing 'I Want You To Want Me' by Cheap Triks. I started to laugh thinking about I could have saved myself the writing time!

I wrote this secret thought process/prayer about one of those moments.This is was never intended to be even  unmetered poetry-- it is just a piece of the human experience.



Secret Prayer

Dear God
Can I have him
Can I? Can I?
Pleeeeaaasssse
let me have him!
Can he be mine?
I want him now! 

Death Came To Call

Recently I found an archive disc filled with poetry from a decade ago. Most I am not posting here since am doing newer pieces now. But this one came from a significant time when my continued presence in the material world was touch and go due to an illness and heartbreak. And perhaps, will pull someone else up short in time to strive for living.
 
It is often easier not to fight for life at critical points if there is great sadness present, also. I have a small group of very loving and special people to thank for reminding me that life was worth fighting to retain. And we won..since am here to write about it over a decade later!

Death Came To Call
  

Death came to call
Insidious serpentine creature
Who writhed in my hands
And promised much
Relief from stress and fancy dress
To hide my qualms
Grey armor against the slices
Of a world to often cold
Wrapped warm comfort around
My burdened  face and shoulders
When no comfort seemed at hand
Death came by and promised much
And left the price for later
Made it's bargain seem a dream
Insubstantial as smoke itself.
And I never noticed the wispy band
That wrapped itself around
And held me close in loving hand
Was slowly turning out the lights.