Sadness Like Ice Cream

Image by daiwilliamsuk via Flickr

I have tasted
all the flavors of sadness
Could the world
PLEASE STOP
creating any new ones.

Dream Man

 Sometimes we play with the law of attraction and scripting. And it can produce some amazing results. But it also can produce some very confusing near misses..especially in this day of internet where people can connect and fill in the blanks with their own fantasies.




I have made a new rule that a major parameter in any connection in the future (ESPECIALLY right after I have been scripting) is that he has to actually show up -- not be content to drift in a dream and make no effort to create a living connection.


Dream Man

He comes to me out of a dream
My creation of fantasy and fire
A miracle born of what  god can bring

when desires are scripted to take me higher


Into joy and pleasure and delight.



And I pray everyday that you will be the one..

But as with all dreams - here comes day
And light of  daily doubt and unmet desire
Our  love's perfection pales and pulls away
Trampled bud laying abandoned in distance's icy mire  
by your enjoyment of  our half life                
and contentment with passion's killer -- inertia.




Willingness to wait for what will be will be -
means you don't really want "us" to stay.

Words Of Love

I read once that when one is truly loved, one automatically loves back. That on an inner inherent level no one can resist love. The idea was,, if you want to know if someone really loves you, look within to see if you love them. I think that while probably not completely accurate there is some part to it.

At best, I have always been somewhat skittish of starting relationships. And the connection that am contemplating  right now has not best logistics, so  at the thought of moving further into it I was even more resistant/ maybe we should back-off than usual. But instead of fights when I pull away, I receive an amazing flow of love from my connection. Firm and unrelenting lovingness is the most disarming thing in the world...and gives no leverage for excuses to run away.


Words Of Love

Your words
are silken chords
that bind me
with gentle softness

they wind
themselves around
my heart and
make me want
to never disappoint you

Your words
caress my fears away
tie my mind
into knots of happiness

And I
never want to
escape this joyful bondage
renewed each time
You wrap your words around me.

Infatuation Prayer

Some things are timely. We meet someone and are breathless with infatuation.  And, on a timely funny note the next night went dancing whre a band was playing 'I Want You To Want Me' by Cheap Triks. I started to laugh thinking about I could have saved myself the writing time!

I wrote this secret thought process/prayer about one of those moments.This is was never intended to be even  unmetered poetry-- it is just a piece of the human experience.



Secret Prayer

Dear God
Can I have him
Can I? Can I?
Pleeeeaaasssse
let me have him!
Can he be mine?
I want him now! 

Death Came To Call

Recently I found an archive disc filled with poetry from a decade ago. Most I am not posting here since am doing newer pieces now. But this one came from a significant time when my continued presence in the material world was touch and go due to an illness and heartbreak. And perhaps, will pull someone else up short in time to strive for living.
 
It is often easier not to fight for life at critical points if there is great sadness present, also. I have a small group of very loving and special people to thank for reminding me that life was worth fighting to retain. And we won..since am here to write about it over a decade later!

Death Came To Call
  

Death came to call
Insidious serpentine creature
Who writhed in my hands
And promised much
Relief from stress and fancy dress
To hide my qualms
Grey armor against the slices
Of a world to often cold
Wrapped warm comfort around
My burdened  face and shoulders
When no comfort seemed at hand
Death came by and promised much
And left the price for later
Made it's bargain seem a dream
Insubstantial as smoke itself.
And I never noticed the wispy band
That wrapped itself around
And held me close in loving hand
Was slowly turning out the lights.

Rings

 Rings

Rings of pain
Living records of absent love
Radiate from my core
Are you just one more?
Absent lover.

Traveler

I saw a movie tonight. Where someone disconnected journeyed and finally found the people, the passion and connection unexpectedly so far from his world. I envied him. I have not yet found my people to call home, so journey on.


Traveler

I am a traveler
Wandering through my world
seeking that one
who will finally be my home
Wondering at
the infinite diversity
Yet not finding any that
I can call my own
As one more time I hear
adventure's siren call
And feel the emptiness
Of  still no one to share
my journey home

Gmail Connection

Technology has completely altered how we connect and provided new means to spark and inspire. Recently I find I spend a great deal of time logging into my gmail account hoping for the glow of the little green light that shows a connection online and available to play. 

This particular connection enhamces my daily life in a surprising way considering our touch can only be virtual- kind of like the painting of Michaelabngelo where the two fingers almost but don't quite touch.


Gmail Connection

Sliding on a rainbow of light
Happiness come to me
With the glow of tiny green light
Joyful laughter finds me
When we connect even so far away
My world finally feels right
For that space, that reality, that moment.

Ask And Receive Ether

 
Ask And Receive Ether

I cried out for light
And found it only within.

I beseeched for love
And found it only from God.

I begged for passion
And found only its shadow in ethernet.

I invoked abundant supply
And received credit.

Where is the fulfillment and flesh?
The tangible desire?

Ask and it shall be given
Seems a bloodless and lonely thing...

After all.

Sleep

Sleep tiptoes past me
Finding me too hungry again.

THE ONE?

The One?

A little voice whispered in my soul
He could be the one
And in a hidden pocket in my heart
I kept the pressed flower of - some of his words
Delighting in the tickle they sent down to my toes
When I thought my mind was looking the other way.

I danced with him in my inner playground
Long ago abandoned to demands of weary adulthood
Reclaiming forgotten happiness
Delighting in the possibilities of joined spirits
Finding heated play in a bower of tender blossoms
The birthplace of a lifetime of love.

I had forgotten what happiness was
Until this precious illusion came to me
Out of the night of my aging spirit
Gently teasing and tickling out the imp of delight
Carried on a magic carpet of technology to discover
Our infinite possibility.

Then the serpent appeared in our garden
- or was it always there?
Awakened specters and skeletons of past denials
Our garden of electronic wizardry becomes a labyrinth instead
The cold reality of logistics keeps me from testing its heart
Not knowing if he even really WANTS to find me I curl inward.

Perhaps he is not The One. After all.

Silent Passings

 Sometimes when we open to risks we encounter the reasons we shut down to begin with. An event occurred that triggered some grief that comes from people passing without closure.


In modern life it is so often considered somehow rude or deficient to want or require continuing connection or at least some explanation from the people in our lives. And I wonder when that strange societal more' happened...because we all seek the warmth of lasting connection.

Silent Passings

I move through the people in my life,
Wending and searching for the warmth of contact
in a forest of cold skeletons rattling in frost.
Wondering, where have their essences gone
And why they did not say goodbye
Dissolving into their own stories without a backward glance,
Leaving brittle question marks along my path
And the silence that echoes shrieking in my mind.

Work in Progress

I have a category I call monuments. They are poems constructed from or dedicated to the Grace, the Divine. This is a work in progress for that category.

Recently I have been participating in some distant healing sessions given by an amazing healer. He sends out to anyone who simply connects into the healing. There is no expectation of payment in any form..not even the unwritten expectations that most spiritual healers have that you live up to their help by "doing the work". He does not know or care he simply sends energy in love. Whether you believe that energy can be sent of not, just the mere fact that he is willing to accept my worthiness and give to me without it being a secret barter is huge.

Yhis is actualy a poem about a lightworker's dilemma in a world that values external productivity so much that it tends to starve the lights it needs to survive.

 

 Distant Healer- Healing Light

I have been a light
flickering in the darkness
Giving hope to the lost
So long

I thought this was the end
Diogenes lamp remained truthless
no more tinderleft to keep
me alive.

Reality's Zombies walk blind
lacking divinity's touch
Draining and judging vessels of
God's Grace.

Once I was happy to shine
reeled as gracelight's lighthouse
Silently offering to all
without taking.

I expected divine light
To provide it's own sustenance
Eternal brilliant font with
or end.

Yet even a lighthouse
needs loving tending
stoking of inner fires
to endure.


Struggling to find joy
Too long unattended
Duty and barter murdered
inner light.

Then out of the darkeness
I saw a light calling
End of my own descent into
the dark.


Strong loving light
filled my empty wells.
Unconditional love tended
MY heart.


He lovingly gave to me
No deserving limitations
no hidden future expectations
just love.


For another space of time
Even untended I can shine
A flicker in humanity's night
once more.

Infatuation's Questions

One of my favorite works of poetry are Pablo Neruda's Book Of Questions. They suit an innate quirkiness of my inner spirit and outlook. They share a similar sense of the absurd as my own and an imagery I would kill to be able to achieve as effortlessly. So I like a question format occasionally.

This of course is not the quirkiness of Pablo Nerudo..nor the rich spare imagery, but it does relate the questions that arise when infatuation creates an upheaval in our daily life patterns...outwardly uncomfortable..but is it? Or is it a gift of something so much better as our lives take on a never imagined new patterns and flavors of delight.

Infatuation's Questions


Did my life end
or begin again
with you?

Are you a distraction
or god's generous gift
of delight?

Are we wasting life
or finding life's purpose
at last?

will you love me
and I adore you
for life?


Will we end betrayed
or share our lives
in lust and laughter?

Distant Life

This poem will probably be reworked int he future..it needs a bit of aging and it's experience is one that hits me periodically. I think in this age where it is easy to slip into rhythms that lull us to waking sleep..especially if we have work that we chose for money over loving what we do that it is possibly a common phenomena.


Distant Life

I saw life happening
Outside my window
A man on the hill
Showing me the way
Reminding me
Of a long lost day
When I too ventured
Into the sun and living
Triggered a longing
To find a map back
To a Life truly lived.
Right before I turned
And went back inside
To my virtual existence.

Here And Now

I used to start my day intensely aware of a new day, new possibilities, happy to be alive. In recent years I used that time for duty. A time to connect to my concept of the Divine and exercises to contribute to the light of the world..generally and specifically. This morning I found a spontaneous return of being TRULY thankful for my life this day in a very personal here and now way.

Here And Now

I saw the sun rise
Over the hill
And realized
That
For the first time
In many
Years
I feel
Thankful to be alive
Thankful
To Greet
THIS day
Here and now
And
The catalyst
Is you

Surprise

There have been a few occasions in my life where people I have known for a long time suddenly spark new interest in another direction. I have never known whether it is due by major shifts in me or in them, but SOMETHING happens and the chemistry just changes seemingly in an instant.

It is not friendship growing into love (I have experienced that state also)- it is more like changing a channel on the radio and suddenly, surprisingly being in tune in a completely different way. So this offering is called Surprise.



Surprise



How did this happen?

We were

Just supposed to b e

Friends

You were

Safely archived

Given

A place of honor

In warm halls of appreciation

But

Far from

The place

You occupy today



What twist of time

Turned an

Unexpected corner?

Allowing

a back way in

Unknown

Through my defenses

Newly

Awakened hungers

Thought

To be

Long ago put to bed

When

Thinking of you.



Where is it going?

Do I

Even

Want to know?

Would

Life become any better

If I

Quantify and deny

Or is it

Better

To surrender

Flow

With this gift

Tasting

The flavors of

And

Playing in

The limitlessness

Of now.

Opportunity Knocking

New eras, new shifts. This month, I find myself in a new place where am thinking of jumping off into new directions again. Many old things are coming to an end this October and change is inevitable. The question is simply what direction to take -- backward/forward/sideways or looping all over the place. ;-) 

 I wonder if it is a good sign that am writing again or a bad sign that what ma writing is more prose/poetry than metered. At any rate, here is my first offering of this new time in my life.


Opportunity Knocking


Did you ever ask yourself…

What IF

There is a happily ever after

What IF

My dream fed desires

Could come true?

What IF

This miraculous opportunity coming to me

too good to be true
IS true?

What IF

God really did

Answer prayers…

Perfectly.